I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I'm really busy with my period
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