When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
