i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
