Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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