I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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