I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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