i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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