Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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