Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
