I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
