apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
