I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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