I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
