Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
