Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
