On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
