quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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