just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
