so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
