I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
