Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
