Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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