she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So much rum. So many feels.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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