I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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