you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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