Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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