god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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