I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize