i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I only lived at night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
