My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We are two peas in an std pod
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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