My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
thus making me awesome and them whores
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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