i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
