In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
