I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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