A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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