I faked an abortion last night.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
