I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize