i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You've changed since you got that strap on
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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