Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
