come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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