the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
