All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize