I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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