At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
