a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Are my feet made of real feet?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
