2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
