I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
