You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
