went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
