never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
