im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
did i just pee glitter
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
