Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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