a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
