grandma shit on top of the toilet
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
