Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
