I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
