Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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