North Korea, Best Korea!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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