if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize