i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
