u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
